This is for your own good
Original Fiction – for adult eyes only
I stood feet slightly apart, hands clasped
behind my back and watched morosely as the headmaster shuffled across his
study. He paused at a hat stand. It contained no hats, nor coats. Instead, a
single curve-handled whippy rattan school cane dangled. He coughed slightly
before stretching up his right arm to unhook it.
I took a deep breath. I knew how this
scene was about to play out. He grasped the cane in his fist and turned to face
me. He swiped the cane through the empty air; it made a terrific swooshing
sound as it flew.
He scrunched up his face and peered across
the room at me. In my mind’s eye I can still see him clearly, fifty-five years
after the event.
He swished the cane once more and then
craning his neck forward towards me he gripped the cane between his two hands.
It was a standard pose, a cliché almost. He flexed the cane. It was more than
three feet long and as thick as a pencil. Even at a distance I could see many
notches along its length. In the right hands this would be a terrible weapon.
And, the headmaster had those hands.
His penetrating stare never left me. His
receding hairline reminded me of Dracula, but without the fangs. His pasty
jowls and heavy bags under the eyes gave him the air of one who carried the
troubles of the whole world on his shoulders. Perhaps, he felt he did. He
flexed the cane thoughtfully. Then he spoke.
“This is for your own good,” he rasped.
Later in my own adulthood I would recognise the cigarettes and whiskey in such
a voice. He waved the cane in my direction in case I hadn’t understood the
import of his words. I begged to differ, but kept my counsel and heard him out.
“You have been spoken to before,” he
wobbled the cane some more. “You are lazy and do not work hard.”
He was wrong, I was not lazy I was bored;
it wasn’t the same thing. I was eighteen; too old for school. I should have
been somewhere else. I knew many men who remained schoolboys most of their
lives, they never grappled with adulthood. I was not one of them.
“Unless you buckle down to your studies,”
the headmaster intoned, “You will not pass your examinations.” He laid great
stress on the word examinations, stringing it out as if it consisted of six
syllables. I remained silent, I knew he didn’t want to hear what I had to say.
“You will not get a university place and then where shall you be?”
University place! Nobody had asked if I
wanted to go to university. Everyone, the masters at school, my parents, my
brothers my pals, they all assumed I wanted to go to university. Looking back,
I can’t say I can blame them. It was that kind of school, it existed to get
boys to university. It had no other function. If a boy did not go “up” as we
called it in those days, he was a failure. Irredeemable. Hopeless. Without
worth.
“This is for your own good,” he said once
more. Still I was unconvinced. Perhaps, it was for his good. I can see him now, his shoulders hunched, his sad grey
eyes often with a distant, wistful look. Dandruff flaked the shoulders of his
tatty academic gown. Buttons of his waistcoat strained against his paunch. His
tweed trousers strained at his stomach. Today we might call his look “seedy.”
He swished that goddam cane once more.
“You will thank me for this one day,” he said with no hint of irony. “This
might be the saviour of you.”
Did he really believe what he said? Could
he hear himself? Imagine it was today. A headmaster, a man probably well into
his fifties; older possibly. Instructing an eighteen-year-old boy to prepare
himself to bend over so that the headmaster might lash him across the backside
with a cane. You could see the social workers, the law courts, the newspaper
headlines.
But this is now; that was then. Nobody
much thought it odd. I certainly didn’t. It was simply the way things were.
Schoolmasters, doctors, priests, you name them, they could do what they liked. The
deference to our betters was boundless.
The headmaster shuffled closer to me, I
watched him conscious that my heart was racing faster than I should have liked.
I wanted this over with. I was determined to make minimum fuss. To let him have
his way.
“Hang up you blazer,” it was a curt
command. I was annoyed that my fingers fumbled over such a simple task. At last
I had it where moments before the cane had been hanging. “Lower your trousers.”
It was a curt command, one the headmaster expected to be obeyed – without
question.
It was not unexpected. Senior boys were
always swished trousers down. I know what you’re thinking. Today, we would cry
“pervert” or even worse. In those days it was to be expected. We never got it
bare-arsed, like at some schools. There had been a court case around that time
of a housemaster at an expensive, elite “public” school who had been up before
the magistrate after he gave one of his charges a stiff six across the naked
buttocks. He was cleared of all charges. “He must be acquitted,” the Beak had
said, “Else we should have half the housemasters in England up before the
bench.”
I was to be spared the ultimate indignity
of showing the headmaster my manhood. Pants, I suppose, afforded a certain
amount of modesty. I don’t suppose a caning with my Y-fronts at my ankles would
have been any more painful.
I struggled with my belt, those darned
fumbling fingers again. At last I had it loosened with the top button of my
trousers. They were made of some heavy wool mixture (I think) which may have
been why the headmaster made us remove them. Once I had undone the top two
buttons of my fly, they slipped down my thighs and snagged at my knees. I
spread my legs slightly and they slithered down and fell into a puddle at my
feet.
“Bend over. Touch your toes,” again a bit
of a cliché. I wonder how many schoolboys of my era heard those dreaded words
uttered by his head or some other school master. “Head low, bottom high.” That
last instruction seems to me superfluous. Surely, it is impossible for a chap
to bend over and touch toes without the bottom being high. That, after all, is
the object of the exercise.
I knew from painful experience that “toes”
meant toes, and not knees or shins. I was quite an athlete in those days and my
body was supple. I bent forward and with my knees straight, I stretched my
fingers so they brushed the toecaps of my black lace-up shoes. In this position
I had a perfect view of the worn rug beneath my feet. I suppose it had once
contained a blue pattern; but by this time, after generations of schoolboys had
shuffled their feet into position, it was a grimy grey.
It was only now with my legs bare that I
felt how cool it was in the study. It would have been March or April and spring
had not quite sprung. I shut my teeth firmly together and closed my eyes and
waited. The floorboards in the study were as worn as the rug and they creaked
loudly as the headmaster circled my body. Once he had examined my submissive
body from every conceivable angle, he paused almost directly behind me. I heard
him wheeze heavily and once again clear his throat. It sounded like he might be
clearing phlegm from the back of his throat.
I shuddered, from the cold or nervousness
I do not know, when the headmaster took hold of the tail of my white shirt. In
those days shirts had proper tails and this one would have been covering my
buttocks and the backs of my thighs. He gripped the cotton hard and dragged the
material up my back and left it resting against my shoulders. I shuddered again
when the headmaster took hold of the elasticated waist of my underpants. He did
not (as I feared he would) drag them to my knees, thus exposing my bare bottom.
Instead, he tugged hard so that my pants dug up into my crack and so that the
white Y-fronts fitted snuggly like a second skin.
To test this was so, the headmaster
circled the palm of his hand firmly around my right buttock cheek. Satisfied
there were no creases there, he repeated the manoeuvre on the left. Finally, he
landed the open palm of his hand across each cheek, as if to give me
encouragement for my ordeal ahead.
The floorboard creaked again and now the
headmaster had taken up his position a little to my left. The tip of his cane
tapped against my stretched buttocks. He laid it across the centre of both
cheeks and tapped some more. He was getting his aim. I closed my eyes tighter
and took a deep breath and held it. The cane lifted away from my bum, there was
an almighty swishing of air and a loud crack as rattan cane hit flesh. I heard
it before I felt it. A split-second passed before a searing, burning sensation
lit up my bum. I bit down hard on my bottom lip, my body rocked forward, my
feet slipped on the worn rug. The agony was sensational. The headmaster was
indeed a “master” with the cane. With many years of experience he had developed
the knack of inflicting maximum pain to a boy with seemingly minimum effort.
He hacked out a cough and took his aim
once more. The cane sought out the underside of my buttocks, at that most
sensitive spot where the buttocks meet the thigh. It was also what we called
“the sit-upon spot”, that part that connected with the chair you sat down. If
the cane lashed there you would feel it for hours (at least) later, whenever
you tried to sit down.
The headmaster caught me a beauty and
before I had time to feel it he landed a second right next to it. I now had a
throbbing strip of agony about an inch wide running the entire length of my
bum. I could feel the welts rising. The floorboards creaked. The headmaster was
taking a walk. I was too concerned with the agony in my arse that was throbbing
out in all directions through my body to pay him much attention. My hair was
soaked with sweat, my heart pounded and my temples pulsated just as intensely
as my backside.
It seemed an eternity before I felt the
headmaster place his whippy rattan cane across my bum once more. This time, he
went higher; to the top of the globs, closer to the spine. He was determined
that no square inch of my rear end would escape his administrations.
Swish! Crack! Ouch!
I had been determined not to make a fuss
but stroke number four knocked the wind out of me, my mouth gaped open and then
closed and repeated the movement until I resembled a goldfish out of water. Air
hissed through my (now no longer shut) teeth and I let out an immense groan of
pain. I couldn’t help myself; it was a reflex action, my body’s natural way of
coping with the pain.
Miraculously, I held my position, back
arched, fingertips on toes, knees straight. Two more strokes to go.
I heard him move his position and felt the
cane explore my buttocks from a different angle. Oh My God! Sweet Jesus! Before
he had aimed across my cheeks from left to right, delivering four parallel
lines of pain. Now he was going from the lower part of my left cheek across to
the top of the right. A diagonal. The Brute! Crack, it was the hardest stroke
yet. It went at a speed of a million miles a second and landed across the four
throbbing welts. I shrieked and jumped to my feet, hands gripping my ripped bum.
I bounded from foot to foot while simultaneously howling. I must have looked
like I was doing some Red Indian (sorry, Native
American) dance. I bent double, knees buckled, puffing for breath. Tears
streamed down my cheeks.
The headmaster watched me from a distance,
a half smile of satisfaction, cracking his heavy jowls. He flexed his cane and
pointed it towards the spot where until a moment ago I had been bending. “We
have not finished. Resume the position.”
If looks could kill I am certain he would
have died on the spot. My bum was red raw, it felt like I had sat in a bathtub
of scalding water. I couldn’t take any more. The headmaster glowered. “Bend
over.”
With a superhuman determination I first
straightened myself and then limped back to my position on the rug. Despite my
trembling I parted my legs and bent forward. I could not believe how red the
backs of my hands were. My blood pressure must have been off the scale.
I waited for the final stroke. Of course,
the bastard laid his cane across the opposite diagonal, lifted it high and
completed the perfect “X” across my bum. I don’t know how I managed it but I
stayed down, touching toes, until the headmaster intoned, “Stand!”
I jumped to my feet. I couldn’t look the
headmaster in the eye. My bum was beyond painful. The agony was so intense I
could no longer feel it. I suppose that’s what athletes mean when they say they
went beyond the “pain barrier.”
Without waiting for further instructions I
hauled up my trousers and as best I could in the circumstances, I buttoned up.
The headmaster laid his cane down on his
large walnut desk. He seemed a little unsteady on his feet. His face was
deathly white when he turned to me and said, “That was for your own good. You
will thank me for this one day.”
It wasn’t and I didn’t. I failed my exams
and never went up to the varsity.
Picture
credit: Darrien
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