Remembering Thick-Ear Donovan

Posted by Traditional School Discipline June 02, 2021

Remembering Thick-Ear Donovan

Thick-Ear Donovan, like Son of Scarface, is a series of school stories with plots so implausible they take your breath away. He first appeared in The Wizard in 1933. The stories were repeated more than a decade later in 1950 in The Rover.

Thick-Ear Donovan – so-called because he has a large ‘cauliflower’ ear – is teaching at a small school in England when he is recruited to be the only master at Moose Springs School in Northwest Canada.

Naturally, he goes. (Later, he moves to a school in Poison Valley.)

The school is a large log building and his fifty or so pupils whose ages range from five to eighteen are the sons of miners, ranchers and trappers. The bigger boys arrive at school on horseback and each of them carries a rifle slung across his saddle.

They don’t like school and they need a strong man to handle them.

Again, naturally (being a master from an English school), Thick-Ear dresses in an academic gown, a mortar-board cap and he carries a swishy cane with the traditional crook handle.

On his first day the boys ridicule him; especially Caleb Webster. Thick-Ear calls the boy to the front of the class and noticing he is filthy dirty he orders Webster to go clean up.

Webster refuses.

The story continues: (available to download free-of-charge here.)

“Are you going to wash?” demanded Thick-Ear.

“No!” yelled Webster, “I’m____”

“Then,” interrupted Thick-Ear, “I must teach you not to defy me.”

There was a moment’s struggle. Webster was swung clean off his feet and balanced over Thick-Ear’s knee. Thick-Ear held him firm with his left hand. With his right Thick-Ear produced his cane from underneath his gown.

Up went the cane.

“Are you going to wash?” asked Thick-Ear.

“No!”

Swish! Swish!

Yells came from Webster.

“For the third time,” said Thick-Ear, “are you going to wash?”

Young Webster made a violent effort to break free, only to fail.

“No,” he gasped again. “You – you big stiff! I’ll half-kill you for this! I’ll___”

Swish! Swish! Swish! Swish!

Thick-Ear used the cane that time as he had never used it before. So severe were the strokes that they finished the young fellow’s resistance.

“Made up your mind yet?” demanded Thick-Ear.

Webster choked.

“I’ll – I’ll wash,” he faltered.

Thick-Ear led him to the washroom, which opened out of the schoolroom.

Thick-Ear looked at the class. “Well,” he said. “I’m sorry I’ve had to start by using the cane. As a matter of fact, I don’t like doing that, and I’d prefer to get along without it. So long as you behave yourselves you will find me very easy to get on with. If, however, I’m forced to use the cane again. I won’t spare it.”

And that sets up the rest of the stories in the series.

The boys constantly try to defy Thick-Ear and truant as often as they can. Thick-Ear is missing one afternoon so the boys skive off. Unfortunately (for them) he returns unexpectedly and as the drawing at the top of this piece shows, he lines them up in two rows and orders them to touch their toes. Naturally (there I go again) the “tough guys” are so tough they meekly bend over for a whopping from the traditional English cane. (Story available to download free-of-charge here.)

Another time they go swimming, but Thick-Ear is on to them and he waits patiently, cane in hand, for them to get so cold in the water that they will have to come out of the stream. Rest assured, Thick-Ear will soon warm them up. (Story available to download free-of-charge here.)

Another time (when he is at Poison Valley) he is faced by a whole tribe of miscreants – the four McGraw brothers – “four untamed demons, who needed drastic and unusual treatment.”

Thick-Ear challenges them to use a catapult and beans to knock the mortar-board cap off his head. If they miss and hit him in the face they are for it.

The story goes on: (Available to download free-of-charge here.)

As Thick-Ear turned away to the blackboard, Dolan McGraw let fly. He missed. The bean hit the blackboard, and bounced to the other side of the room. Ezekiel let fly. He missed. Jewkes let fly. He missed. Then the youngest brother, Shamus, took the catapult.

“Watch me!” he exulted, and let fly.

Whing! Thick-Ear had opened his mouth to begin a sentence on a simple arithmetic lesson when the bean came hissing through the air, and stung the point of his nose like an angry hornet.

“Haw, haw, haw!” roared the McGraws.

“Step down here, Shamus McGraw,” said Thick-Ear quietly. He produced his cane and stood waiting.

Shamus McGraw showed no signs of obeying. He sat tight, a wide grin on his freckled face. Thick-Ear wasted no time. He strode up the passage to his seat.

“Don’t you touch me. Mt dad’ll____” he shouted as Thick-Ear’s forefinger and thumb clamped his ear.

“You knew the conditions before you started shooting with that catapult,” rasped Thick-Ear.

With a deft flick of the wrist, he sent the red-head spinning down the passage.

He was after him like a shot as he made a bolt for the door. He caught him in a grip of iron, and swung him over a low table in the middle of the room. His cane rose and fell. A howl of anguish broke from the lips of Shamus McGraw.

“Leave my brother alone!”

Jewkes McGraw leaped to his feet. He jumped down the passage, fists clenched, and hurled himself on the teacher. Behind him streamed Dolan and Ezekiel.

Thick-Ear reached out and caught him as he came. He whirled him face down on the top of the squirming Shamus. He got in a couple of stingers on the seat of Jewkes’ pants before Ezekiel arrived.

Ezekiel came in with head lowered, only to share the same fate. Last of all came Dolan, and Thick-Ear piled him on top of the others.

There they lay, one on top of the other, with Dolan on top and the half-smothered Shamus underneath.

Thick-Ear pinned them with his left hand. Struggle hard as they might, they could not get free. The cane rose and fell.

Whack! Whack! Whack! The dust rose in clouds from the seat of Dolan’s pants. He squirmed and yelled, but Thick-Ear had no mercy. He laid it on with all the power of his arm. By the time he stopped, Dolan had had more than enough.

Thick-Ear tossed him aside, and then it was Ezekiel’s turn. That tireless arm rose and fell.

When Thick-Ear tossed him aside, he, too, had had enough. Then it was Jewkes’ turn, and last of all, the turn of Shamus.

“You wait till dad comes after you!” they blubbered, all the fight out of them.

“Go to your seats,” rasped Thick-Ear. “The shooting-match is still on – on the same conditions.”

But there was no more shooting with the catapult. The morning’s work went on, without more trouble from the four McGraws. They sat painfully in their seats, eyeing the new teacher with wonder and amazement.