Artist of the week: The Caning Commando

 

It’s very difficult to explain who (or do I mean what?) the Caning Commando is. Let’s start by acknowledging that he is the creation of Pat Mills and Kevin O’Neill with artwork by Martin Baines. I suppose you could call it “surreal” or it’s just plain bonkers – You decide.

Here’s what the guys have to say about him, “Many of you will have grown up reading The Spanker, starring the Caning Commando, the schoolmaster recruited by the War Office to use his legendary caning skills on the Nazis. A stern disciplinarian, he would tell his pupils, ‘My cane is the sieve which sifts the weight of scholarship from the chaff.’ Then he turned his cane on the enemy: ‘I see Germany as one big arse that needs a colossal thrashing.’

“Hugely popular with the readers, in 1964, during the mods and rockers riots he led a campaign to ‘Belt up Britain!’ encouraging dads to discipline their children and put an end to juvenile delinquency. At the height of his success, there were Caning Commando annuals, toys, games and sweet cigarettes ‘for tomorrow’s smokers’”

You can read more here.

The caning Commando has had many adventures. Here’s an extract from the story Rear Window, that appeared in Read ’Em And Weep’. The Caning Commando does battle against the Nazis.

In the school assembly hall, Victor Grabham, the Caning Commando, sat on the stage close to his hero Winston Churchill, and his chest swelled with pride. The Prime Minister was inspecting coastal defences and had graciously agreed to visit the nearby Golden Hind Academy in Lower Belting Bottom, and give a talk to his pupils.

The Commando’s assistant, Alf Mast, was, of course, too common to join the assembled boys. He was in the boiler room guarding the end of the secret tunnel which enabled the intrepid pair to leave the school on their commando missions without being observed. Grabham hoped he wasn’t snoozing on the job, dreaming of ‘bumpy men’, or he would be due a striping later.

The Prime Minister described his school days to the enthralled boys. “ ‘Study the pattern on the carpet, Churchill,” said my Greek teacher. Then he delivered six of the best in the place provided by nature for the purpose. He gave me a jolly good swishing, as good as a fellow could wish for.’

‘And he was the best. He once thrashed eleven pupils in eight minutes,’ said Winston proudly. But the boys looked unimpressed. That was nothing. Victor Grabham could easily thrash an entire class in half that time.

‘Yes,’ continued the great man. ‘Afterwards, my backside looked as though I’d sat on a freshly painted park bench.’ The boys howled with laughter.

‘And being caned taught me discipline,’ said Winston. ‘So take your medicine, boys, as bravely as you can. And then you can wallow in the glory that is a boy’s right after being caned.’

‘And now you will take your medicine, Prime Minister!’ snarled a masked, blue cloaked figure bursting out of the secret tunnel and onto the stage. Grabham recognised him immediately. It was the Oberspankerfuhrer! The Blue Man! The leader of the feared Wackem SS, whose canes were attached to the periscope of a U-boat for six months, so they were hardened in brine, and whose arse had been frozen solid on the Russian Front.

Read more here.

 

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