Sneak upended for a spanking

Parker took the slipper out of his pocket. It was a stout slipper, but with a nice flexible sole. “Be good enough to put yourself over my knee! This buttress will render that attitude possible and it will be the most convenient one for me.” – Extracted from Parker The Prodigal By Martin Clifford (a.k.a. Frank Richards), The Gem, 10 March 1917. Available to download here.

“You are quite sure of this, D’Arcy,” said Parker.

“Absolutely, deah boy! I taxed the wottah with it an’ he turned evewy colouah poss, with green in the ascendant. That was while you were away, of course, and I had weally forgotten all about it till somethin’ you said last night weminded me,”

So it was Mellish who had put that note of invitation to the meeting which the juniors had called. “Gussy’s gas-party” under the Housemaster’s door.

Parker was not in the least surprised. He had vaguely suspected it at the time, and no sneaking trick played by Mellish would have astonished him.

But, though not surprised, he was angry.

Mellish’s offences were adding up.

He had attempted blackmail. He was evidently more or less in league with those two scoundrelly emissaries of Parker’s enemy the Big Boss. He had put Cutts on to Parker, and though that suited Parker’s book very well, Parker did not believe it had been done out of good feeling. And now, as it appeared, he must also be held responsible for a particularly slimy trick against the whole junior school.

Mr. Railton would doubtless have been attracted to the meeting in the crypt by the horrid din, in any case; but that did not alter the guilt of Mellish.

Parker got away from Gussy, not without difficulty, put a slipper in his pocket and went forth to look for Mellish.

In his periods of stony-brokenness Mellish had a way of mooning about alone. Racke and Crooke did not care for over much of his company, and Mellish had no desire for over much of Trimble’s. Even Percy Mellish looked down upon the egregious Baggy.

So Parker found Mellish in the quadrangle, and rounded him up into a secluded corner.

“I have a word or two to say to you Mellish,” he said.

Mellish was quite sure that those words were not going to be pleasant ones. He made an attempt to avoid the conversation.

“I haven’t got time just now,” he said weakly.

“I think you have,” replied Parker, not in the least weakly, but quite politely.

“Well, what is it?” whined Mellish.

“Since I came to St. Jim’s, Mellish, I have heard a good deal about bumping. I have seen bumping in progress; it strikes ne as a somewhat forceful, but not wholly improper, way of expressing public opinion. That is what may be termed bumping proper, which needs several pairs of hands. But I take it that bumping is a term which may be used in a wider significance to express ------”

“What a beggar you are to gas!”

“That, Mellish is a rude remark! I take it, I say, that bumping has a wider general significance; that it means, considered largely, punishment inflicted on the principles of justice, but without authority. In that sense, Mellish, I am going to bump you! My method may not be the orthodox one, but I promise you that it shall be equally effective, and on the whole not less – in fact, rather more – painful!”

“What do you mean? You may be a man all right, but you ain’t much bigger than I am. And you are jolly well not going to knock me about without my showing fight!” blustered Mellish.

“In the current speech of St. Jim’s, Mellish – rats! You will not show fight simply because there is no fight in you. You are non-combatant, Mellish; one of those Conscientious Objectors without consciences, who have done their little best to drag the name of Britain in the mud!”

“You’ll see, Mr. Parker-Roberts!”

“That cock won’t fight, Mellish! We are alone. I propose to see.”

“Anyway, you ought to say what it’s for before you begin pilin’ in on me!” Mellish whined.

“You are coming to a more amenable spirit, Mellish, I see. But I do not propose to explain. I do not consider it necessary. Be good enough to put yourself over my knee! This buttress will render that attitude possible and it will be the most convenient one for me.”

Parker took the slipper out of his pocket. It was a stout slipper, but with a nice flexible sole.

“W-w-w-what?” spluttered Mellish. “Put myself over your knee so that you can lam me with that slipper?”

“You have taken my meaning aright, Mellish.”

“I’m hanged if I do!”

“I would not care to guarantee you against being hanged whether you do or not,” Parker replied drily. “A course of conduct such as yours may lead anywhere, Mellish – positively anywhere – except, of course, to  good end. But if you do not put yourself over, I shall most certainly put you over!”

“You can’t do it!”

Mellish was wrong. Parker could do it and he did. He did it at some risk to himself, for Parker-Roberts would still have been serving his King and country on the Western Front had he been fit. The doctors had warned him expressly against any undue exertion. But he had been disregarding their warnings for some time now, and no harm had come of it. He did not think harm would come of a brief tussle with Mellish.

“You are merely saving your face at the expense of your trousers’ seat by resistance,” he said grimly.

The strategy was but brief. Mellish had no idea that Parker was so strong. When he found that the end must be submission in any case, he submitted.

Squatting against a buttress, Parker wielded that slipper with a heavy hand. He had a muscular arm, and he did not mean to spare Percy Mellish’s feelings.

Whack, whack, whack!

“Yoop! Ow-yow! Stoppit, you bully.”

Whack, whack, whack!

“Yaroooogh! All right; I withdraw – I withdraw everything! Ow! Stoppit, I say!”

“Not yet, Mellish!”

Whack, whack, whack!

It was worse than a caning. Mellish squirmed and wriggled unavailingly. Still the slipper rose and fell.

“Really, Mellish, you ought to dust your clothes a little oftener I think,” said Parker mildly.

“You beast! You bully! Oh, you – Parker-Roberts!”

Talbot must have heard that. For now Talbot appeared and spoke.

“Don’t you think that’s about enough, Parker?” he asked.

“He has deserved it all,” replied Parker.

Whack, whack, whack, whack!

Then Parker ceased. He liked Talbot; but he did not consider that it was for Talbot to say, “Hold – enough!”

Mellish was released. Mellish bolted. Parker turned to Talbot, breathing hard and rather pale.

 

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